So if you read the first installment of our story ‘How we met’ you will know I met Mr F at university. We left the story with me living a corridor away from him in halls….
I went to university to study Molecular Biology but after 2 weeks of being surrounded by very clever people and realising that I would much rather spend my days socialising I decided it was not for me. So what to do? My A levels were Chemistry, Biology and Maths so I had pigeon holed myself into doing a science based degree. Damn.
Mr F was studying Zoology with Marine Biology. Bangor university is well known for it, being situated along the Menai Strait. So, he tells me that it is all about animals- I am there picturing dolphins, koalas, fuzzy lions. SOLD! Turns out it is actually mostly about fish. Fish, fish and more fish- with maybe a snail or a chicken thrown in for good measure!! Great.
So there we are, on the same course as well as living in the same building. Every day I would wake up, put my face on and go fetch him to go to our lectures. With a 20 hour timetable we were spending every day together, in lectures, walking back and forth plus the socialising part of uni life of course.
As the year went on we had properly settled into uni life. Our week would look like this:
- Every Monday we would go to ‘Time’ the main club in the city. Monday night was 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s theme and we loved it! Who doesn’t love a bit of MJ or Chesney Hawkes!
- Tuesdays were pound a pint night at Yellow Bar. I don’t drink pints but bottles of orange Reefs. By the end of the night my teeth would feel numb from the amount of sugar!!
- Wednesdays were theme nights at Octagon- another club in the city. Mostly these consisted of dressing up and being covered in foam.
- There was never anything on officially on a Thursday so we would have a night off.
- Fridays we would go to Main Bar- the uni bar/club. This was my favourite place to go as it wasn’t too big so it felt a bit more ‘exclusive’ compared to ‘Time’.
- Saturdays were my favourite- we would head back to Main Bar but it was Pop/R&B night so all the great dancy music for a girl in heels. There are so many songs I remember from those days, they always bring back great memories!
- Sundays = corridor party!!! This involved getting a bottle of vodka, some coke and a large glass. We would all congregate outside the rooms and play music so loud you could hear it on the road!
This went on every week for the first year (and second if I am honest!) and I loved it! My social life back home was rubbish, I had never found anyone I clicked with and so having people that loved to go clubbing, wear mini skirts and sing and dance was amazing. I was the happiest I had ever been.
(Apologies for the photo- no digital camera in those days so I had to take a photo of the photo- the ? is on the photo as it is from my Project Life scrapbook)
By my birthday, March 2003 we were the best of friends. I had decided over he Christmas holidays that he was the one for me but as far as he was concerned we were just friends. He didn’t think of me in that way at all.
I should probably mention at this point that he had a girlfriend. Major problem. He had been with her for years and years and she was waiting for him back home. In his mind he was going to marry her and be with her forever.
I am not a bad person. I never set out to ruin anything for them. Even 12 years later I still feel guilty- even though she is happily married and probably doesn’t even give it a moments thought.
Over the months we became closer and closer and I knew that although he may not know it he actually did love me. Sounds a bit crazed I suppose but I knew that I was the one person he turned to when he was happy or sad and during holidays we would talk on MSN (remember that?!!) for hours and hours every night. I was his one and he was mine.
As the end of the university year drew closer I knew I was going to be parted from him for over 2 months. I couldn’t bear it, we had been inseparable for months- how was I going to cope not seeing him every day?
“I love you”
I don’t know what made me say it. I am not a brave person at all and hate rejection but it was out there. Saying it aloud is scary, what makes it worse it not hearing it back. He simply looked at me and said “I am with x, I love her”.
My heart broke in two for the very first time.
Come back soon for the next part of the story ‘Sometimes you have to let them go..’
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