Failing as a mother - What Katy Said

Failing as a mother

If you ask anyone I know though they will tell you that I am a loud mouth, always the centre of attention. I am the one who takes charge in any given situation, a bossy boots.

This is all a facade.

drowning

Underneath I am a shy, insecure girl, wanting to hide when someone talks to me. I doubt myself every day and would sooner shut myself indoors than put myself ‘out there’ in harms way.

Recently I have been struggling more than normal. I don’t know if it is just having two children – it is tough being a mother at the best of times but a new baby in the family throws a spanner in the workings of an other smooth running ship. Or maybe it is blogging- making me think about my feelings more than I used to.

Either way I feel like I am drowning. I am not coping with day to day life as I should. There is just so much to do all the time and I cannot get on top of it! There is always a mountain of washing, the dishes pile up quicker than I can blink and the house always looks like a tornado has flown through.

You are probably sitting there thinking so what? Same here! The problem is not the mess though, it is how I deal with it- which is not very well. It gets me down so much that I shut down.

I am failing as a mother. I do not remember the last time we did anything fun, just the 3 of us (while Mr F is at work). We went down to Devon last week which was nice but that is not our real life. Our normal every day consists of me faffing about trying to do the house while Baby L follows me and Little G sits on the sofa and watches The Lion King for the 600th time!

But no more, I cannot do this to my children. They deserve more! The HappyDays Linky has opened my eyes to all the wonderful things some of you lovely mummies do with your children. I need to join in! I need to get out of the house and create memories!! My lovely friend Jenna wrote a great post yesterday and this has only served as more fuel to get me motivated!

I also need to get organised but I have a plan so watch this space!!

 

Mums' Days

22 Comments

  • Reply
    Zoe
    November 5, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Aww Kate 🙁 you’re not failing as a mother!! It’s so hard finding a balance between work, fun and housework! Have you read Hands Free Mama. I’m just reading through it now and really enjoying it 🙂 and don’t forget where I am if you need a rant or to know how awesome you are xx

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:34 am

      omg I am so excited that you commented Zoe! Totally made my day! Not heard of that book- will have a google in a second. Thanks Zoe, love you xx

  • Reply
    Jess @ mummyofboygirltwins
    November 5, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Katie, I am so sorry you feel like this. I have toddler twins, and believe me, it’s the same. Its so easy to feel as though all you do is housework and jobs and never keep on top of it all. I am a real advocate for getting out though – it helps me. I try to go out nearly every day and this helps so much, even if it’s just half an hour. Do you keep lists? This helps me too. Try not to compare yourself to others, and do what is right for you. Jess xx

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:37 am

      I cannot even imagine how hard twins are! You are so right though, I need to get out of the house more just to regain some sanity- plus, more time out of the house means less mess at home! x

  • Reply
    Mumtoamonster
    November 5, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    i can totally relate although if you look at my blog you will see the fun things we do . These are few and far between though . Please remember that all the people with fun day will have equal normal non exciting days x x

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:38 am

      Yeah you are right, I just feel like for every 1 fun day we have 9 boring days! I need to make more of an effort but I am determined to make the change now! x

  • Reply
    Karen
    November 5, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    I am sending you a massive hug as I could have written this post about a year ago.
    There is just over 2 years between my two girls and I found the first 12 months of being a mum of two incredibly hard. I paniced about going out with them as how could I entertain both of them? I had loads of “what if such-and-such happens” moments and it became easy to stay at home. But it didn’t do us any good. I felt like a crap mum, a crap wife and just crap.
    Summer holidays made me really stress as I had to entertain them EVERY DAY! But I planned crafts and baking for Freyja to do whilst Emily was napping, and playgrounds became easier so we got out more.
    Emily is now 16 months and things are getting so much easier. I feel we can actually go and do things as just the three of us and we have fun. On Monday I took them to soft play and I was able to spend most of the time sitting and watching them. It was bliss.
    Friends with two told me it would get easier as they got older, and it does. It just doesn’t feel like it ever will.
    *hugs*

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:39 am

      I am at the 11th month so this gives me hope that maybe in the new year things will become easier. Baby has just started walking so that will make a big difference! Thank you Karen xx

  • Reply
    you baby me mummy
    November 5, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Oh hunni, I could have written this post and feel like a failure most of the time as I am always trying to catch up on blogging and then feel I haven’t given Baby enough one to one. Big hugs xx

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:41 am

      It is like an in-built self destruct button isn’t it? We can have a real hug tomorrow! Cannot wait to see you (that’s if I recognise you after your amazing loss!!) xx

  • Reply
    Vicki - mummy to my little cheeky monkey
    November 5, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Oh Katy big hugs. I feel like I could have written that myself. Reading other blogs has really opened my eyes to how much I am letting depression rule my life and I’m determined it’s not going to any more. I don’t want to be the mum sat in the corner at groups I want to me in the mix having fun with my boy.

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 9, 2014 at 9:52 pm

      This is the point I have reached now Vicki! I am responsible for two little lives and I want their lives to be enriched by being my daughters. I am determined to make the best out of every single day. I hope you can do the same for you and your little boy. Thank you so much for stopping by xxx

  • Reply
    Jenna
    November 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    I think we all feel like this from time to time. But you are an awesome mum to your two girls. We can make that pact to both try and get out more from now on – lets change how we feel about ourselves.

    xx

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Thank you Jenna x I feel better for letting it out and I am definitely going to get us both organised!! x

  • Reply
    Donna
    November 5, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Katy, you are not alone. The great thing about social media is it’s great for showing rose tinted lives with pretty filters and all the crap hidden out of shot behind the camera. It will get easier. As the children get older things just slip into place. I am in a routine now but if I have a day off – of blogging, of housework, of anything then it all falls apart. I can’t have a holiday as I need to keep on top of blogging. I know how you feel and it’s so hard to keep all the plates spinning. Sending hugs lovely x

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:45 am

      That’s the thing- we went away and came back with a mountain of washing etc.. I think once Baby is a bit older it will be easier and for now I will just have to man up a bit! You are right about social media, it skews your view. Thanks Donna xx

  • Reply
    Vickie
    November 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    This is so me! Every single bit of it. So you’re not alone, if that helps at all.

    I think a large part of being a mum is feeling like you’re a complete and total failure, even if in reality you’re anything but. If your kids are clothed, fed, happy and, most importantly, know that they’re loved then you haven’t failed at anything!

    • Reply
      Katy
      November 7, 2014 at 9:48 am

      Why is that? Who put in the ‘self doubt switch’?? You are right though and my kids are happy but I just feel like I could give them so much more if I got my act together. I am on a mission now though- I will get better at this mummy malarky!

  • Reply
    Lucy (Hello Beautiful Bear)
    July 2, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    I’ve just come across this post now via Twitter and I do hope that you’re feeling better about things now that a few months have passed! 🙂

    I am 5 months in to my maternity leave and we have been trying to move up North to be near family since Lily was born. We’ve had no certainty as to when that might be (partner is getting a transfer through work whih takes time) so I’ve been ‘waiting to move’. I’ve not joined any baby groups or made any new mummy friends as I knew I would be upset when we moved at having to leave them. I keep feeling that I’m letting Lily down waiting to start all of these things when we move but I’ve today decided that I don’t mind, all of the time we’ve spent in with no money (I’m only on SMP) has been quality time spent together. My partner does no housework so I feel torn every day when she doesn’t nap and I have to go and try and make the place presentable, it’s so hard, and blogging scares me a little because that’s something else in the mix that I have to find time for! I’m trying so hard to juggle everything so I know how you feel, every second I spend away from her I feel guilty about, every time I see that other mummies have been here, there and everywhere it kills me because I feel I need to compare to them. Xx

    • Reply
      Katy
      July 14, 2015 at 5:58 pm

      Thank you for your comment Lucy, I am feeling much better about it now. I actually read a post the other week about housework and kids and it said that even time spent helping you clean and do a couple of chores is quality time- they don’t mind what they do with you as long as they are with you. and that really helped me and I hope it does you too xx

  • Reply
    Natalie
    August 23, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    Aww hun you’re not failing! Your children are fed, they have clothes to wear, toys to play with and a mum and dad who love them very much and that means you’re doing a good job!

    • Reply
      Katy
      August 25, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment Natalie. xxx

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