If you ask anyone I know though they will tell you that I am a loud mouth, always the centre of attention. I am the one who takes charge in any given situation, a bossy boots.
This is all a facade.
Underneath I am a shy, insecure girl, wanting to hide when someone talks to me. I doubt myself every day and would sooner shut myself indoors than put myself ‘out there’ in harms way.
Recently I have been struggling more than normal. I don’t know if it is just having two children – it is tough being a mother at the best of times but a new baby in the family throws a spanner in the workings of an other smooth running ship. Or maybe it is blogging- making me think about my feelings more than I used to.
Either way I feel like I am drowning. I am not coping with day to day life as I should. There is just so much to do all the time and I cannot get on top of it! There is always a mountain of washing, the dishes pile up quicker than I can blink and the house always looks like a tornado has flown through.
You are probably sitting there thinking so what? Same here! The problem is not the mess though, it is how I deal with it- which is not very well. It gets me down so much that I shut down.
I am failing as a mother. I do not remember the last time we did anything fun, just the 3 of us (while Mr F is at work). We went down to Devon last week which was nice but that is not our real life. Our normal every day consists of me faffing about trying to do the house while Baby L follows me and Little G sits on the sofa and watches The Lion King for the 600th time!
But no more, I cannot do this to my children. They deserve more! The HappyDays Linky has opened my eyes to all the wonderful things some of you lovely mummies do with your children. I need to join in! I need to get out of the house and create memories!! My lovely friend Jenna wrote a great post yesterday and this has only served as more fuel to get me motivated!
I also need to get organised but I have a plan so watch this space!!
Natalie
Sunday 23rd of August 2015
Aww hun you're not failing! Your children are fed, they have clothes to wear, toys to play with and a mum and dad who love them very much and that means you're doing a good job!
Katy
Tuesday 25th of August 2015
Thank you so much for your comment Natalie. xxx
Lucy (Hello Beautiful Bear)
Thursday 2nd of July 2015
I've just come across this post now via Twitter and I do hope that you're feeling better about things now that a few months have passed! :)
I am 5 months in to my maternity leave and we have been trying to move up North to be near family since Lily was born. We've had no certainty as to when that might be (partner is getting a transfer through work whih takes time) so I've been 'waiting to move'. I've not joined any baby groups or made any new mummy friends as I knew I would be upset when we moved at having to leave them. I keep feeling that I'm letting Lily down waiting to start all of these things when we move but I've today decided that I don't mind, all of the time we've spent in with no money (I'm only on SMP) has been quality time spent together. My partner does no housework so I feel torn every day when she doesn't nap and I have to go and try and make the place presentable, it's so hard, and blogging scares me a little because that's something else in the mix that I have to find time for! I'm trying so hard to juggle everything so I know how you feel, every second I spend away from her I feel guilty about, every time I see that other mummies have been here, there and everywhere it kills me because I feel I need to compare to them. Xx
Katy
Tuesday 14th of July 2015
Thank you for your comment Lucy, I am feeling much better about it now. I actually read a post the other week about housework and kids and it said that even time spent helping you clean and do a couple of chores is quality time- they don't mind what they do with you as long as they are with you. and that really helped me and I hope it does you too xx
Vickie
Thursday 6th of November 2014
This is so me! Every single bit of it. So you're not alone, if that helps at all.
I think a large part of being a mum is feeling like you're a complete and total failure, even if in reality you're anything but. If your kids are clothed, fed, happy and, most importantly, know that they're loved then you haven't failed at anything!
Katy
Friday 7th of November 2014
Why is that? Who put in the 'self doubt switch'?? You are right though and my kids are happy but I just feel like I could give them so much more if I got my act together. I am on a mission now though- I will get better at this mummy malarky!
Donna
Wednesday 5th of November 2014
Katy, you are not alone. The great thing about social media is it's great for showing rose tinted lives with pretty filters and all the crap hidden out of shot behind the camera. It will get easier. As the children get older things just slip into place. I am in a routine now but if I have a day off - of blogging, of housework, of anything then it all falls apart. I can't have a holiday as I need to keep on top of blogging. I know how you feel and it's so hard to keep all the plates spinning. Sending hugs lovely x
Katy
Friday 7th of November 2014
That's the thing- we went away and came back with a mountain of washing etc.. I think once Baby is a bit older it will be easier and for now I will just have to man up a bit! You are right about social media, it skews your view. Thanks Donna xx
Jenna
Wednesday 5th of November 2014
I think we all feel like this from time to time. But you are an awesome mum to your two girls. We can make that pact to both try and get out more from now on - lets change how we feel about ourselves.
xx
Katy
Friday 7th of November 2014
Thank you Jenna x I feel better for letting it out and I am definitely going to get us both organised!! x