If you ask anyone I know though they will tell you that I am a loud mouth, always the centre of attention. I am the one who takes charge in any given situation, a bossy boots.
This is all a facade.
Underneath I am a shy, insecure girl, wanting to hide when someone talks to me. I doubt myself every day and would sooner shut myself indoors than put myself ‘out there’ in harms way.
Recently I have been struggling more than normal. I don’t know if it is just having two children – it is tough being a mother at the best of times but a new baby in the family throws a spanner in the workings of an other smooth running ship. Or maybe it is blogging- making me think about my feelings more than I used to.
Either way I feel like I am drowning. I am not coping with day to day life as I should. There is just so much to do all the time and I cannot get on top of it! There is always a mountain of washing, the dishes pile up quicker than I can blink and the house always looks like a tornado has flown through.
You are probably sitting there thinking so what? Same here! The problem is not the mess though, it is how I deal with it- which is not very well. It gets me down so much that I shut down.
I am failing as a mother. I do not remember the last time we did anything fun, just the 3 of us (while Mr F is at work). We went down to Devon last week which was nice but that is not our real life. Our normal every day consists of me faffing about trying to do the house while Baby L follows me and Little G sits on the sofa and watches The Lion King for the 600th time!
But no more, I cannot do this to my children. They deserve more! The HappyDays Linky has opened my eyes to all the wonderful things some of you lovely mummies do with your children. I need to join in! I need to get out of the house and create memories!! My lovely friend Jenna wrote a great post yesterday and this has only served as more fuel to get me motivated!
I also need to get organised but I have a plan so watch this space!!