Why your child can’t sleep and 13 practical ways to help

Inside: Reasons why your child may have stopped sleeping and what you can do to help them.

When my daughter turned 8 years old she suddenly had severe anxiety around sleeping and would lie for hours getting more and more stressed about not being able to get to sleep. I scoured the internet and eventually managed to get her sleeping peacefully again.

Between the ages of 8 and 12 years old it is common for children to suddenly have anxiety around sleeping and find themselves taking longer to get to sleep each night. There are lots of things you can do to help relieve the worry and ease them back to peaceful sleep once again.

Knowing it is common definitely helps us as parents to know there isn’t anything drastically wrong with our child but it doesn’t solve the problem. I spent hours upon hours trying to find solutions, some that worked and some that didn’t – all of which I will share with you.

But first, let’s look at why it happens in the first place…

Why your 8 – 12 year old isn’t sleeping

A child that has always been a fantastic sleeper who suddenly becomes irrationally afraid of their room gets nightmares and complains of being lonely can be a real mystery.

It is easy to brush it off as attention seeking behaviour at first but it soon becomes apparent that something more serious is going on. When you see they are truly distressed and unable to get to sleep until 11pm or later, you realise that something needs to be done.

The reasons for insomnia vary from child to child and the starting age varies too, but on the whole it seems to trigger at around 8 years old. As a rule though, there are a few main reasons that seem to be the cause:

Biological changes

Puberty starts, on average, between 10 and 12 years old for girls and 12-16 years old for boys. This causes a change in hormones, including the release of melatonin which is our sleep hormone.

We all know from our own teenage years that we would stay up late and sleep in the next day. Well, as our children get closer to puberty their melatonin starts to be released later and later at night meaning they just don’t feel tired as early as they used to.

Of course this will be distressing to them as they still need a good night’s sleep but their body just isn’t producing the hormone to help them unwind and switch off.

Lack of routine

With after school clubs and homework, their days can be varied and routines all over the place. Dinner can be at different times each day and bedtime can be pushed back and forth depending on the happenings of the day.

Exhaustion and overtiredness can also play a part. We all remember the baby days when an overtired baby would be almost impossible to put to bed – it is just the same for our older children too.

Poor Sleep Environment

With technology being a big part of our lives these days, many children have tablets or tvs in their room which means later bedtimes and more blue light which blocks the release of melatonin too.

Anxiety

As children get older, they become more aware of the realities of life. They may overhear the news or hear stories shared at school that play on their minds.

Children absorb more than we often give them credit for and this can most definitely affect their sleep.

How to help your child old fall asleep

Meditation

There are lots of ways to do this, through cds, smart home devices or through teaching them simple ways of lying down and deep breathing.

We found this to work wonders and we now all listen to meditative programs via smart devices as we go to sleep as it is good for everyone to unwind before drifting off.

Recommendations for the Calm app were high as well as the HeadSpace app and the sleep mediation program via Alexa.

Remove electronic devices

For two hours leading up to bedtime there should be no screen time so that the blue light doesn’t interfere with their natural melatonin release.

We go a step further and dim the lights right down to aid the natural circadian rhythm of their bodies stay in time.

Switch out screens for mindful activities such as board games or puzzles instead.

Relaxing activities

When we have babies we are told the powers of a bedtime routine and the same is true for all ages. Having a relaxing bath, dimming the lights, having a story or reading a book to themselves will help them switch off from the day and relax into a sleep.

One of the resources recommended to me was The Rabbit Who Wants To Go To Sleep, a bedtime story that is written in such a way that kids fall asleep listening to the gentle words and tones of voice of the reader. It conked out my kids halfway through the story!

Exercise

How much exercise do they get throughout the day? Getting outside for fresh air and exercise always helps burn up excess energy and help them to drift off peacefully.

Yoga is also said to be a great form of exercise closer to bedtime as it is both relaxing as well as a way to tire them out.

Lots of people recommended Yoga Nidra as being a wonderful way to relax kids.

Melatonin gummies

Sometimes they need a helping hand and many people turn to melatonin gummies to help their children when their bodies aren’t producing it at the right time.

We found these to work great initially but then unfortunately our daughter was one of the rare few that had nausea with them. Such a shame as they worked a treat.

There are lots of natural sources of melatonin found in foods such as asparagus, tomatoes, pomegranate, olives, grapes, broccoli, cucumber, rice, barley, rolled oats, walnuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, mustard seeds, flaxseed.

Bach Night Rescue Remedy

If you aren’t wanting to give melatonin or if like us if causes nausea, then Bach flower drops are an alternative solution.

Just a few drops on the tongue and it helps switch off the mind from unwanted repetitive thoughts.

Journaling

The process of writing down thoughts can be very calming and helps get any anxiety inducing thought from their brains onto a page.

I know myself that if I write lists at bedtime it helps me to switch off my mind for sleep.

We bought a Happy Self Journal for Grace and she loved it.

Essential Oils

Lavender has long since been recognised as a calming scent to help people relax and unwind. Spraying some on their pillow will help them to feel calmer and hopefully this will induce a sleepier mood.

We also tried the This Works Sleep Spray and I don’t know if it was a placebo effect or not but it certainly helped her.

Another recommendation was a cream from Lush called Sleepy. Using that with a bedtime massage routine would work wonders.

Weighted blanket

I have read more and more about the calming effects of a weighted blanket for those that suffer with any form of anxiety.

We didn’t try this one as they are quite expensive but I spoke to many parents who swear by them.

White noise

Sometimes with all of the thoughts swirling around their head it can be difficult to turn their brains off. White noise helps break through those thoughts and can help their brain to calm down.

Either using a white noise app or putting on a fan during summer time will work.

The ‘Rain rain’ app was recommended as working really well as well as having something like Classic FM on low as gentle background noise.

Bed canopy

One of the things we found to work was reducing the space around the bed by adding a canopy/ tent. Later on, when the girls were in a bunk bed we placed Grace on the bottom and this worked just as well.

The thinking is that a canopy removes excessive sensory stimuli which then helps them feel secure and calm so they can relax into a sleepy state.

Make plans for the next day

Uncertainty can sometimes play a part in the worries felt by children. If you can alleviate some of that by making plans for the next day to focus on – things to look forward to – then that will help their minds switch off.

Tell them not to go to sleep

This was a genius tip that really did help us. Instead of saying “sleep tight” or “go to sleep now” which of course makes them think it is time to go to sleep, say “have a restful night” or things along those lines.

Be clear that they don’t have to go to sleep straight away and that as long as they are resting that is good for them. This takes away the panic that they can’t get to sleep and therefore relaxes them enough that they naturally drift off when they are ready.

When will it end?

The good news is, the phase does pass. Grace is now 9 years old and the anxious period has passed. This is partly due to a good bedtime routine, sleep spray and an emphasis on resting rather than sleeping.

She does still stay awake until about 10pm but she knows that she is able to read quietly and that is fine by us. Some days she is tired and falls asleep earlier and we’ve come to accept that her body knows best.

In the meantime, we jut do what we can to provide an environment that is relaxing and calm to help her as best we can.

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I hope that has been useful for you. Do let me know what works for you!

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