I realise I am in a highly hormonal state right now, being 8 months pregnant is never good when emotions are concerned. I have been crying every day for the past couple of weeks for no real reason, sometimes for happy things, sometimes for sad – but either way a huge overreaction on my part each time.
Today the school released the classes for next year and so, with all the other parents, I eagerly awaited the news at the school gate. Over the last year, Little G has made some lovely friends in nursery and I too have made some great friends with the mums. Not so long ago I felt as though I would never make any friends but the last couple of months have seen friendships develop – even to the point that those mums have been a true support for me, helping to pick up G from school when I just couldn’t walk there and back.
So we waited, waited to hear whether our children would be kept together or not. We had been told that the classes they are in from September will remain for the next 7 years until they go to secondary school- that is a long long time. The gate was opened and the children were called. Pack after pack was opened as the children filed out, purple, purple, purple, purple…. until my little girl skipped out to greet me with her pack. Red.
The thing is, I’ve been on the other side of that fence. I have been the teacher choosing which child would go where. Except I always felt I was fair. I felt that I paired children together so they had at least one friend, not just based on ability and gender. We always made sure there was a proper mix too but her school seem to have kept her class together on the whole, simply swapping over 2 or 3 children from the morning session.
I know the teachers have probably created a ‘fair’ class in their eyes, one that is based on ability and behaviour, but I feel a little cheated. Why have those 2 and 3 children been moved away from the rest of the class? Why, of the 5 girls in the friendship circle, has G been isolated?
The thing is with Little G is that she is a friend to everyone, so they probably felt she could manage wherever she was put. But still, to split her away from the main group of girls, those she plays with outside of school? Just seems a little mean to me and in my hormonal emotional state I can tell you now, I am devastated.
I am devastated for her, for the loss of friendships she could have had- those that would have carried her to Secondary school (an all girls school at that). For the birthday parties she will miss out on now… ‘mummy why aren’t I going to so and so’s party?’ ‘Sorry my darling, you aren’t in their class and they can’t invite everyone’. I can’t bear that conversation, I don’t ever want her to feel left out.
I am also upset for me, for the mums that have rallied around me, to lose them. Because as much as we can all pretend that we will stay friends, I don’t think it will happen, maybe not at first but they will diminish over time. 7 years of birthday parties and playdates that will never happen. 7 years of new friendships with new kids and their parents. I love the mums in the class as it is right now, I don’t want to have to start again.
So that is today. And yep, I am hormonal and the rational side of me tells me it will be ok, that she will make new friends and that those other mums will turn out to be ok after all. But for today, I am sad and I angry at her teacher. She may have felt she made the right decision for the class but for me and my little girl, nope, not the right decision at all.