The last few weeks I have become more and more anxious, in real life and here on my blog. I don’t imagine I am the only one to ever feel this way but basically …. nobody likes me. Or at least that is how I am feeling right now. Even saying it out loud it sounds silly as I have plenty of friends (hopefully they like me anyway…!) but I think motherhood sends you crazy.
Leaving my blog world aside, it is the school playground that does me in most days. It is brutal isn’t it? Or at least I think so. Most days I rock up looking like I have just crawled out of bed…. because I have just crawled out of bed. Decluttering our house has broken me and so my easy morning routine has gone out of the window for now.
So there’s me, looking like something out of Stig of The Dump and there’s everyone else looking like they at least brushed their hair. They don’t look my way and I just wish the world would swallow me up. I go home and eat my weight in icecream to console myself and wonder what on earth is wrong with me.
But it’s them, right? They are the ones making me feel this way?
Well, up until a week ago I would have said yep, mean mean girls. Woe is me.
But not today. It actually is me! And not because I look like a bog monster and aren’t worth knowing. No, I have been unfriendly and put up an invisible forcefield around myself that kept everyone out. I did it and I totally take the blame.
I set myself a challenge this week, I told myself I would be extra friendly and kill them all with kindness. They would either feel terrible for excluding me or feel relieved that I wasn’t the bedraggled ice-queen they assumed I was.
I smiled, they smiled. We all smiled. I didn’t go home and eat a tub of ice cream, instead I bought myself a FitBit and decided I was going to look after myself more as I am totally worth looking after.
So next time you feel left out, smile and talk to them anyway and maybe you’ll realise you’re worth knowing too.