Pregnancy: Wishing The Time Away

Inside: Pregancy thoughts. Collaborative post.

I’m not sure this post will have much of a point, I just need to let out some of the emotions bubbling up inside me right now. I am struggling, really struggling and I just want to break down in tears about it all. It isn’t a mental struggle, that side of things is totally fine – I am ready for him to come and absolutely cannot wait. No, it is a physical struggle – I just cannot cope being pregnant anymore and I feel so selfish feeling that way.

Falling pregnant isn’t easy for some people, they try and try and are met with negative tests, one after another. I know so many who have faced it and my heart aches for them. Yet here is me, really lucky to be able to fall pregnant relatively quickly, moaning about being pregnant. Not that I haven’t had my own heartbreak, LJ is my rainbow baby after all. Which makes it all the more ridiculous that I am moaning about being pregnant when I know how precious this time is. But I am still struggling and want this pregnancy to speed up.

I am 30 weeks pregnant today, the end is near but so so far away still. Sleep is alien to me now, my hips burning throughout the night make sure of that. I lay in bed, tears in my eyes, wishing the pain away. I don’t know what the pain is, it isn’t the same as SPD – more like a painful dead leg, like acid has built up while I’ve been lying on that side. I turn over and within half an hour it is back in the other hip. Repeat all through the night until I fall asleep exhausted. Only for Mr F to tell me to ‘wake up lazy bones‘ as he goes off to work.

It is the little things that are getting to me now. Washing building up and dishes piled high on the side. Filling up the dishwasher makes me almost faint with the bending over, but it has to be done. Most housework has fallen to the wayside, it has to doesn’t it? But there are some chores that just can’t wait. Except I just don’t have the strength to do them.

And then there are the girls. They want me to play, but all I want to do is curl up on the sofa and sleep. On the whole they are good and have a small understanding that baby is putting limits on what I can do. I am just so thankful that they have each other and I can play a minor role for the moment. Doesn’t stop me feeling guilty though, I want to be able to take them to the park or sit on the floor and play puzzles with them.

The hardest thing right now, the thing that fills me with dread every single day, is the walk back and forth from school. Mr F takes the car to work so we have to walk everywhere, not that I am saying we are unique in that situation or anything and normally I don’t mind at all. Being a single car family is what has had to be done for the last few years. But that walk, 2 miles in the morning and 2 in the afternoon, leaves me with tears in my eyes and barely able to walk by the end of the day. That really is my SPD playing up, the clicking of my hip as I walk along and the excruciating pain in my pelvis.

With all the pregnancy aches and pains I’m experiencing right now, I think selenite crystal helps me relax. This powerful healing gemstone is known as the goddess stone. It was named after the Greek mythology’s goddess of the moon, Selene. My selenite crystals provide me with the positive energy and soothing vibrations I need, especially on days that I feel like I am at my worst. The benefit that I love the most about this crystal is the calmness, clarity, and peace of mind it brings. So, I try to wear my selenite bracelet as much as possible.  I also keep one near our main door to dispel the negative energies from the outside and purify our home.

Despite all these negative feelings these past few weeks, I promised myself to stick with clean and healthy eating habits. I still have to be there for my girls, no matter how stressful it could get. Good food not only gives me energy, but it also lifts my mood. I thank God for technology and online food delivery when I cannot drag myself to whip up something from my own kitchen. I must agree that I’m an avid social media user because it’s an entertaining form of conversation and communication. But I try to get away with social media and online browsing. My eyes tend to feel sore when I neglect my screen time. So, I make it a point to only limit browsing up to 30 minutes a day.

I have 10 weeks to go but actually I am currently counting down the days until the end of term – 4 weeks and 4 days if you are wondering. At least from that point I won’t have to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. And hopefully by then we will have our new car – at last we are getting a second car, one big enough for 3 car seats. I. cannot. wait!!!

So that’s how I am doing at the moment. Bit of a sorry state really and just want the time to speed up. I am so thankful to be able to carry this baby but good god it isn’t fun. Someone pass me some cake please!