I was walking home from the school run the other day and it struck me that I always walk on my own. I mean, obviously I’m not on my own having LJ to push along in the buggy, but I don’t have a mummy friend to share the walk with. I have lived here for almost 4 years now and I still feel like an outsider and not just an outsider but I don’t seem to fit in with the other mums around here.
I have friends, don’t get me wrong, I love them all dearly. But whether it has been baby groups or the school gates I just don’t seem to fit in. Is it just me? I actually know it isn’t just me as one of my friends actually said the other day she always wonders where all the other mums her age are.
Before we moved here, the town we lived in had either young teen mums or working mums that I never saw. So when I went down to baby groups I felt as though I was 67 rather than 27. Not that I am even ageist – I have friends ranging from early 20s to almost 40s but they are similar to me, have the same mindset. Am I even making sense?
So now the opposite is true, I live in a town where I feel as though I might as well be 18 – the mums are mostly career women and have had their children later. Nothing wrong with that at all and to an extent I am the same, I just gave up my career sooner than them. The problem is, they don’t want to know me, I don’t have anything to offer them I guess. They have their friends already, having grown up around here or having met mums at groups when they had tiny babies (Little G was over 1 when we moved here so I missed that ship!).
I could be over thinking this of course, it could just be that I am shy and they have their own lives – not a great combination I grant you. But still, I see other mums making friends, walking home together and inviting each other round for cups of tea and I just wonder when it will be my turn.
At the end of the day, school isn’t for me, it is about my children. Little G is a proper little socialite and comes out smiling every day. As long as she is happy then my personal drama doesn’t really matter does it? It would just be nice to be able to stand and chat to someone who actually wants to talk to me, you know?
Lisa
Friday 9th of June 2023
You are not alone. I homeschool , spent my first 6 months standing on a hill by myself , not connecting with other mums no matter how hard I tried. What was worse was there were groups within the group , no one invited me into their circle. All wrapped up in their own kids and cliques. Too excited to see each other once a week to notice the new comers . It sucks .
Suz
Wednesday 28th of April 2021
Years late to this but feeling down and found this... I’m glad I’m not the only, it’s bloody hard living in a small town where everyone has grown up together and you don’t fit in with the tight knit gang who’ve known each other forever (and the generations before them who know each other).
It’s weird not fitting in anywhere after you have children when you once had a life of your own and felt like someone other than ‘mum’ (not to minimise the enormity of the role). I guess I was on the fringes of the mummy gang when my eldest was at toddler group but just found nastiness and cliquey behaviour tbh. It doesn’t help that my eldest has sensory/social issues too so most people avoid us like the plague now. My mum also died and old friends ran a mile which has destroyed any confidence I once had. I guess all you can do is paint on a smile and focus on your child’s happiness. Glad you found a couple of nice mums to chat to in the end.
Leila
Tuesday 23rd of November 2021
@Suz, ah I really hope you've found some like minded friends by now. Big hug to you. My little one had sen too which just makes it all a whole lot harder doesn't it.
Mummy Pat
Monday 28th of March 2016
We were practically the first among our local friends to have a baby, so there wasn't much sense of joining in, really, and there wasn't anyone in the parenting groups around our way and the SureStarts that I felt any kind of connection with. Then we moved cities and had to start completely from scratch, where noone knew us. Starting from scratch with a toddler was tough to begin with, but it actually feels now like we have a set of friends both for us and our little boy. I even sometimes push my buggy home alongside some of the parents, having made friends with them at playgroups.
Katy
Saturday 9th of April 2016
I think being the first to have a baby played a part in my story too. Glad you've found your feet though, so great finding likeminded souls xx
You Baby Me Mummy
Monday 14th of March 2016
Me too huni! I am always the one standing on their own outside nursery. People may say hi (usually if I say it first!) but they all have their little groups and I am not in any of them. You know I love you and if we didn't live so far we would walk to school together. Our world is more diverse and exciting than theirs, all your friends are spread out and although we can't chat outside the school gates we can chat whenever you wish! xxxx
Katy
Saturday 19th of March 2016
You are so right, thank goodness for blogging. Love you too xxxx
Laura wilson
Monday 14th of March 2016
Oh Katy snap snap snap in every way. I feel so lonely sometimes and everyone has friends already. I don't actually think I mind being on my own sometimes but it does make you feel a bit rubbish doesn't it. I 100% don't fit in anywhere and I know I can't stay here for long because I can't see I'm ever going to feel any better about it. I have a few decent friends that i see occasionally, but detest the school run with a passion. I've even explained this to his teachers and said sometimes I may just have to come after 9 just so I can miss the crowds! Well you are lovely so let's just pump some happy music out and Kon Marie the sh@t out of our homes :) Ive been writing a post about the kindness of strangers and how people online and in the street can be so much kinder than those that are around you. It's a funny old world xxx
Katy
Saturday 19th of March 2016
I wish you lived nearer to me, I'd be your bestie for sure xxx