I was walking home from the school run the other day and it struck me that I always walk on my own. I mean, obviously I’m not on my own having LJ to push along in the buggy, but I don’t have a mummy friend to share the walk with. I have lived here for almost 4 years now and I still feel like an outsider and not just an outsider but I don’t seem to fit in with the other mums around here.
I have friends, don’t get me wrong, I love them all dearly. But whether it has been baby groups or the school gates I just don’t seem to fit in. Is it just me? I actually know it isn’t just me as one of my friends actually said the other day she always wonders where all the other mums her age are.
Before we moved here, the town we lived in had either young teen mums or working mums that I never saw. So when I went down to baby groups I felt as though I was 67 rather than 27. Not that I am even ageist – I have friends ranging from early 20s to almost 40s but they are similar to me, have the same mindset. Am I even making sense?
So now the opposite is true, I live in a town where I feel as though I might as well be 18 – the mums are mostly career women and have had their children later. Nothing wrong with that at all and to an extent I am the same, I just gave up my career sooner than them. The problem is, they don’t want to know me, I don’t have anything to offer them I guess. They have their friends already, having grown up around here or having met mums at groups when they had tiny babies (Little G was over 1 when we moved here so I missed that ship!).
I could be over thinking this of course, it could just be that I am shy and they have their own lives – not a great combination I grant you. But still, I see other mums making friends, walking home together and inviting each other round for cups of tea and I just wonder when it will be my turn.
At the end of the day, school isn’t for me, it is about my children. Little G is a proper little socialite and comes out smiling every day. As long as she is happy then my personal drama doesn’t really matter does it? It would just be nice to be able to stand and chat to someone who actually wants to talk to me, you know?