He’s 4 months old. How did that happen? One minute I had a wrinkly newborn in my arms and the next I might as well have a toddler the amount he jumps around in his Jumperoo. He’s the size of a one year old too- like really, we met a one year old the other day and they were the same size!!
On the whole, I have treasured every second that he has been a part of our family. I haven’t minded the sleepless nights or the times when nothing but boob would settle him as I know he is our last baby. I know from going through it all twice before that those newborn days fly by and they really have. So instead of wishing those sleepless nights away I have held on to them, embraced them, knowing it wouldn’t be long before my wrinkly newborn baby would be gone.
And he has.
I am not ready for the baby stage to be over. I’m just not. I’m not ready to say goodbye to those sleepy snuggles. I want to sit and stare at him for hours and hours, taking every bit of him in. He is my final baby and I want his baby stage to last and last, to feed that longing that I felt for a baby, to satisfy that need as I won’t get the opportunity again.
Unfortunately he has other plans. He is already rolling over, trying to sit and bouncing around strengthening his legs. He hates to be still, always wanting to search for his sisters to see what they are up to. He’ll be walking by 9 months just like they did and then my baby will be lost to toddlerhood. That’s 5 months away- only a little over the time he’s already been here.
He’s almost grown out of his pram and although he still fits in it, he hates to lie down and is constantly shuffling and trying to lift his head up. I longed to be able to push a baby around in a pram but I think it is time to swap it for a pushchair. Am I ridiculous for feeling distraught about that?
The only time he becomes my baby is when I feed him, then it is just the two of us and he snuggles up to me like a newborn again. I love those moments, even when it is 4 in the morning, and I will be sad when that job doesn’t solely fall to me anymore.
I’ve put a timeframe on my breastfeeding journey. Or rather I had, I’d said I would stop at 6 months as I was struggling with not being able to eat whatever I want. But that is only 2 months away and I am not entirely sure I will be ready to stop then because that will be it, my sleepy milky cuddles over.
I can’t even combi-feed as I will be limited diet-wise even with one breastfeed a day. So if the reason I am to give up is to eat what I want then I give up for good. I don’t really know how I feel about that. I think I might have to be dairy free for a little longer.
As I type this he is asleep on my lap after a day of interrupted nap-times. There would have been a time that I would have tried to move him, tried to pass him over to someone else so I could have some time on my own. But not this time. One day he won’t fall asleep on me anymore and so I am sitting here staring at him as he snuffles away with his blocked nose, typing with one hand while he is cradled by the other.
My baby boy isn’t so much of a baby anymore and I don’t quite know how to deal with it. I most certainly won’t be having another one now and so that’s it, my baby days are already coming to a close. I could honestly cry.