A Mum’s First Week Of School

This week has been a funny one. One of new routines, packed lunch boxes and marching back and forth from the school gates (I walk fast!). Most people have been documenting their kid’s first days at school but what about us mums? It is our first week at the gates and my oh my is it nerve wracking!

I haven’t been nervous for Little G as I knew she would take it all in her stride. Other children have been screaming blue murder as their parents have dropped them off but she skips in as though she has been going for years. No, I have not be nervous for her but I have been nervous for me.

My own experience of school as pretty rubbish if I am honest. I was a shy child and never wanted to leave my mother’s side. Primary school was ok, I wasn’t the popular kid but I had friends and I bumbled along without a fuss. The problem came when I went to secondary school, I was bullied for almost a year and lost all of my confidence. I hated school and I hated myself.

Weirdly, I chose teaching as my profession, I guess some part of me wanted to be there to protect the outcasts and to ensure everyone had happy school days. I have rebuilt my confidence over the years and this blog has been a massive contributor to my happiness these days. And yet…

Here I am back at the school gates, knees turning to jelly at the thought of being looked at for being different, the thought of being judged once again. What if nobody likes me? What if they already know each other and I am left out? These thoughts go through my mind as I make my way up the school path.

I head towards the group of parents already huddled by the gate, clinging to their children for dear life and I realise something. We are all the same, we are parents. I have changed in the last few years without even realising it, I am not that shy little girl any more. I am not the victim of bullying. I am just me. I am a mummy, my children love me and that fills me with all the confidence I need.

It has been a week now and I have put on my smile and talked to the other parents at the gate each day. I would even go as far as saying I have enjoyed the little chats we’ve had as we wait for our little ones to come out. It is a weird feeling, almost as though I have finally grown up and those feelings I had before have just disappeared. I started off wishing I knew someone already, that I’d have someone there to lean on, but you know what?

I am going to be just fine.