I promise to give you my love and friendship.
I promise to confide in you.
To trust and protect you.
I promise I will be there when you need me most.
Always and forever.
When you get married you make promises to each other, you look into your husband’s eyes and mean every single word. Those words above were the promises I made to Mr F on our wedding day almost 5 years ago. So how have I done over the last few years? Have I kept those promises? How about you, have you kept your promises?
I would say most of us can hold our hands on our hearts and say we do all of those things most of the time, Mr F is my best friend and I would do absolutely anything for him. However, there are days when I may be in a bad mood and do not treat him with the respect he deserves. Having children has also changed our relationship, I do not make enough time for him and that just isn’t good enough.
For a marriage to work you need to work hard every single day, you need to spend time reinforcing the bond and make the effort to keep the spark alive. It isn’t always easy and life often means you put your husband last. This shouldn’t be the case though and we all know it- put in the effort and you will reap the rewards.
To have a successful marriage your husband needs these 10 things:
1. COMMUNICATION How often do you actually talk to your husband? One of the main reasons for a relationship breakdown is when the lines of communication fail. Ask him about his day, listen to what he has to say and show genuine interest. I wrote about one of our blackout evenings here, we had such a great time just talking to each other.
2. APPRECIATION Men need to be told they are doing a good job. They are fixers by nature so love to solve problems around the home. Let him know you appreciate his efforts, simply tell him or better still cook him something! We all know they love their food!
3. UNDERSTANDING How often do you fly off the handle when he does something ‘wrong’? Take a step back and put it into perspective. He probably didn’t mean it and is truly sorry. Count to 10 next time, the difference it makes is amazing.
4. DIRECTION Men are not mind readers, we all know that. So why do we expect them to know what we want? If you want something doing then TELL him! There is no point beating around the bush, just spell it out plain and simple.
5. SPACE Sometimes they just need a bit of time to be themselves. Let him go off to do his own thing- just make sure he reciprocates, you need your ‘me time’ too!
6. ATTENTION Do you spend time just the two of you? I wrote this list of date night ideas to help you reconnect as a couple. Make time for each other so he knows he is just as important as everyone else in your life.
7. THOUGHTFULNESS Do you think of your husband? Something I do whenever I go shopping is to buy his favourite sweets. It makes me smile and it always brings a smile to his face too. I am always trying to be thoughtful, to show that he is on my mind and that I care.
8. ENCOURAGEMENT Nagging doesn’t get us anywhere does it? I find writing lists and leaving them where he will see them will encourage him to take it upon himself to do something. Let him know you are happy when he remembers to do something. It will encourage him to do more in the future.
9. CLOSENESS Be together, it is so important to reconnect and embrace each other. Start with the little things, remember to kiss each other hello and goodbye, hold hands when you walk along. Proximity does not equal closeness- keep that bond strong.
10. FRIENDSHIP Is he the person you confide in? Is he the person you cannot wait to see every day? Your husband should be the most important person in your life, so show it. Be the best friend to him you can possibly be.
My relationship has not always been positive, if you have read our love story then you will know we have had plenty of ups and downs. However, once I took a step back and realised what was needed our relationship went from strength to strength.
How is your relationship doing right now?