Social media and smart phones are bringing an end to the art of conversation. How often do you see a couple out for dinner, both busy texting away and completely ignoring each other? A line of people waiting for a bus, all with their heads down on their phones instead of making conversation with each other? We are all guilty of it aren’t we?
I am trying to find my happy in 2015 and a big part of that journey is trying to make more of an effort with my marriage. We have been married for almost 5 years and together for 12 years now and we are taking each other for granted. We don’t see each other in the day as he works and then when evening comes around I am busy working and he sits and plays on his phone.
We can spend all evening sitting next to each other and yet we may as well be in different countries. Social media sucks us in and leaves us lonely in our real lives. Enough is enough. I want to change, I want to get to know my husband again.
We were asked to review ‘The Art of Conversation- Cards for Couples’ and to be honest I was skeptical. I thought they would be quick questions and that we would get bored and never look at them again. I was wrong, so wrong.
We ‘played’ with the cards last night and I honestly had the best evening I have had in a very long time. We talked for hours and hours and couldn’t believe the time when we finally looked at the clock. I didn’t miss my phone, I didn’t care what was on the tv. It was just us, talking.
The cards themselves are simple enough, you pick a card and have a choice of 3 questions to ask your partner. They range from easy to more complex topics and aren’t the normal cheesy questions like ‘what is your wife’s favourite fruit’ or anything like that. They provoke real thought and interest.
We talked for hours but actually only used 5 of the 104 cards so will be using them again and again! These were our questions:
Is there a form of wastefulness you particularly dislike?
This was my first question to Mr F and a really good one for him as he is like Mr Green! Hates all waste – always turns off all the lights and is pained to use the heating! He explained how he doesn’t like any type of wastage, including packaging, food, water etc.. The reason he dislikes waste is because he wants an easier life. Excess packaging means our bin gets full, a full bin means trips to the outside bin etc etc..
Now one of the rules of the game is that you must listen and not interrupt while the other person is talking. I really found this difficult and wanted to butt in several times! It made me realise how little I truly listen when he talks and how damaging this can be.
The cards can be found on Amazon for £7.78
Once they have finished answering you are allowed to ask a question to encourage further discussion. I asked him if he hates waste in terms of excess talking. Mr F is a man of few words (god job as I am a blabber mouth!) and only ever speaks if he feels the need. He agreed he hates small talk and only ever engages in conversations where he feels he can truly contribute.
Do you keep confidences absolutely or occasionally seek an opinion from a trusted confidante?
This was his question to me. I said truthfully he is my only confidante. I always share everything with him and I hope that never changes. I said I would never be any good working as a government agent having to keep top secrets as I would always want to share with him. He agreed he feels the same and always tells me everything.
Do you like your partner to share your perspective and world view, or do you enjoy differences?
We are totally different in some ways but he said that fundamentally we share the same core values and that is what is important. It doesn’t matter to him that I don’t support his football team or that I may vote differently in an election but we share the same religion (or lack of) and share a connection deeper than a view-point.
“Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you are in bed with a relative”- Anon. Does this affect you?
This made me laugh- I found it funny that someone had actually thought of marriage that way. He is my relative now and I share a bed. I said it affected me NOW- thanks!! Haha!
Your ideal date.
This was his final question – I have summarised the above but we talked for about 2 hours just on those topics! He said that his ideal date would be doing something physical together such as Tough Mudder or running a marathon. He would want to share that experience of pushing ourselves to our limits. On our honeymoon we zip-wired through the rainforest and it was amazing. I had organised it as a surprise as he always thought I wouldn’t do something like that. I pushed myself to the limit and had a great time. I said that physical activities like those suggested are my idea of hell and I am not sure I would ever run a marathon- but who knows!
We have not sat and talked like that in so long but I thoroughly enjoyed myself and actually cannot wait for our next date night!
Have you forgotten how to talk to your partner?
We were sent the cards in return but I truly love them and all words and thoughts are my own.