What’s your parenting style?

Mummy wars: we all know what they are unfortunately. The Connecticut Working Moms blog group post has spread around the web so quickly! Why? We are all affected that is why! As soon as you decide to have a baby you are a part of it. Whether you even realise it you contribute to the ‘war’.

My children are my world, therefore I talk about them A LOT. So what do I talk about? I talk about their allergies, whether Baby L is rolling yet, how Little G can do this that or the other. The list goes on. I recently met up with some mums and we spent the first hour talking about our births.

There is no harm talking about your child, your birth, your parenting style etc. but it will leave you open to criticism. There will always be mums who will take it upon themselves to compete, judge and criticise. And it is those women that create the ‘wars’.

I have pretty hard skin and generally just ignore them. I love my children more than anything and the choices I make as a parent may not be to everyone’s taste but I don’t care. I do my best.

So, here are my ‘choices’.

Natural birth vs C-section
I have had two natural births (read my birth story here) I think myself lucky to have been able to do it naturally. Those that have c-sections have a longer recovery whereas I was up and about straight away. Do I love my children more because of it? Um.. no. Don’t be ridiculous. However the baby comes into the world, you have carried them for 9 months! That is the hard bit!

Breastfeeding vs Formula
I breastfed Little G for 5 months until I had to go back to work. With Baby L I had so many problems and then finding out she was allergic to dairy was the final straw. My milk dried up and the decision was made. I actually feel like I have bonded more bottle feeding. I enjoy cuddles with her, just for cuddles sake. With Little G I used to feed for HOURS and so I would be thankful to put her down. Either way both my children have been fed and are healthy.

Stay-at-home mum vs Working mum
I am a stay-at-home mum. I chose to stay home as I couldn’t bear the idea of someone else looking after my children. I honestly don’t know how working mums do it. Writing this blog is difficult enough let along balancing an actual job!!

Religion vs Non-religious view
I am not religious. I will not be taking my children to church or having them Christened. However, I am not against religion at all and if they should come home from school one day after learning about God (or any other religion for that matter) I will talk to them about it and allow them to follow the path they choose.

Co-sleeping vs Own room
Little G slept in my bed for 3 months. It wasn’t especially out of choice, it was the only way she would sleep!! Baby L went into her own room at 8 weeks and I was fine with that. I have a video monitor and am able to see her any time I want.

Returning to work vs Wanting to stay home longer
Some women need to go back to work for their own sanity. I get it. My job as a teacher involved spending my days with 30 kids. Why would I choose to spend time with other children when I could be at home with my own? But I am ‘cut out’ to be a sahm, some women are more suited to working. That is just how the world works.

Infertility treatments vs Natural conception
Lord alive, why does it matter? If anything those parents doing IVF want that child SO much that they are willing to do anything to have one. It isn’t an easy path to go down at all. I was lucky to fall pregnant first time round with both of mine. Luckily that was with my husband and we had been together for a long time. But I could have equally fallen pregnant first time round with a one night stand. Natural doesn’t necessarily mean better. A baby is a baby at the end of the day.

Cry it out vs Never contemplate doing that
This is such a controversial subject. Baby L is the most laid back baby and she has always gone to sleep on her own. Little G was another case entirely. She was so clingy and would not sleep. EVER. At 7 months, after reading every book out there I eventually resorted to letting her cry it out. Am I proud of myself? No. Do I regret it? No. I did what I had to to at the time. For the 2 nights I had to leave her crying (max 5 mins at a time- see I still feel like I have to justify it) I was the most unhappy I had ever been. Mr F had to restrain me as I just wanted to go to her. However, after those 2 nights she slept through the night. No more battles, no more stressed mummy. She is almost 3 now and the happiest child.

Straight vs Gay
I have a husband so that is obvious. What do I think about gay parents? Not sure I have ever thought about it to be honest. I know people think it isn’t natural to have 2 parents of the same sex. Well how is it any different to a single parent? They are just one sex too right? As long as children have a loving stable family I don’t think it matters if they have a mum and dad, just a mum, 2 mums, 2 dads etc etc.. Love is all they need.

Large family vs Only child
I don’t think I could face being pregnant again so I will be stopping at 2. I’ll probably be criticised for saying this but I feel sorry for only children. I say this as I was an only child for 8 years. My mum struggled to have my sister so there was a massive age gap. I was lonely, I didn’t understand why my friends had brothers and sisters and I didn’t. However, should parents have to have more than one? Of course not. Sometimes actually being able to have one child is a blessing in the first place. Sometimes couples can only afford to have one. People with large families, wowzers I take my hat off to you!

Organic vs Fast food
Mmmmmm I do love a Maccy D’s! Not sure I could eat fast food all the time though. We have simple home cooking in our house. Little G is a great little eater and has grown up eating healthy meals. We don’t eat organic foods though, just ordinary food! Can’t afford organic haha!

Eating separately vs Eating at the table
We eat all together at the table. We are lucky that Mr F comes home by about 5pm most nights so this is totally possible for us. Some families cannot do this though. It is a shame as I really enjoy doing it. I grew up eating at a different time to my parents and that is why I have enforced it in my household.

Disposable vs Cloth nappies
I used disposable for Little G and really wish I hadn’t. I could have saved SO much money and prevented so much waste! I now use cloth nappies for Baby L and I love it!! (Read why I love cloth nappies here)

Lost pregnancy weight vs Still losing
Oh how I wish I could shift this weight! However, I have recently accepted my size and I am happier for doing so. We eat healthily and I walk everywhere and I think that sends out a positive message to my children. (Read my view on the effect our diets have on children here)

Public school vs Homeschooling
Being a teacher I think I will always do some form of homeschooling for my two. I won’t be able to help myself! However, they will both go to the local school.

Feeling great vs Postpartum depression
I was lucky to feel fine after both of my pregnancies. I had a great network of friends and family around me and never felt alone.

Eating anything vs Eat what is given to them
I make healthy dinners and Little G is very good (most of the time) at trying new things. However, if she doesn’t like something I never make her eat it. Also, I am not a ‘you are not leaving this table til it is all gone’ kind of mummy. I believe that can lead to overeating. Children are good regulators of their intake and so I never force her to finish. I am not stupid though, if I know she is messing about I will make her eat a few more mouthfuls.

Strict with TV vs Watch as much as they like
TV is a part of our life. She knows the names of all of the characters on Cbeebies and yes, we have watched Peppa Pig approximately 1 million times! However, Mr F and I have both said that if either of them ever chose TV over being outside or reading a story then it would be restricted. I think a balance is healthy. Luckily she prefers being in the garden so we don’t ever watch much per day.

Phew! That was a lot of ‘war’ categories! I have one of my own to add to the list:

Dummies vs Thumbs vs Nothing
Little G didn’t use anything thank goodness. Baby L is a dummy user. I have to say I am pretty disappointed in myself for giving in to it, especially when I didn’t first time around. However, she only uses it for 10 minutes a day to help her go to sleep and if it makes her happy then who am I to take it away. It is easier to remove and wean that a thumb so I am thankful for that. I am still not a fan and I don’t like the idea of older children with dummies but some babies just like to suck.

So, to the women in Connecticut I say well done. ‘Mommy wars’ should be ended! We are all mums and we all try our best. We should indeed support each other and appreciate that one mum’s choice is not necessarily a good fit for another child. And as you can see I have parented both my children differently so far and I love them both exactly the same.

How about you? How do you parent?