Inside: How to Start a Conversation about Mental Health with Your Child. Collaborative post.
It’s no secret that parenting isn’t easy. Every stage of your child’s development comes with different challenges. From teaching basic life skills to understanding alcohol abuse symptoms, your job as a parent never ends.
One of the more challenging aspects of parenting is talking to your child about their mental health. If you didn’t grow up with these conversations yourself, it can be tough to implement them as an adult.
Fortunately, child psychologists, pediatricians, and other experts have several tips to help you start the conversation. Next time you talk to your child about mental health, consider using the following approaches.
Be Open about Your Own Mental Health
Whether your child is a preschooler, a teenager, or any age in between, they learn by following your example. If you want your child to be open and honest about their own mental health, why not consider doing the same?
Many parents struggle with this concept because they don’t want to burden their children. It’s a legitimate concern, but there is a happy medium between hiding your struggles and asking your child to carry them for you.
The key is to normalize conversations about mental health, and you can keep those conversations simple and casual. For example, if you would ask your child to turn down their music when you have a headache, you can do the same if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need some quiet.
These small moments can have just as much impact as sitting down to have a conversation. In fact, if they’re consistent, they can have an even greater impact because your child may be more open to listening.
Compare Mental Health to Physical Health
One of the reasons why mental illness carries a stigma is because people don’t see it in the same way that they see physical illness. Often, people see mental health issues as moral or spiritual problems instead.
In reality, mental illness is itself a physical illness. The brain is a physical organ, and mental illness comes from changes in the brain. Fortunately, more people understand this fact today, but a lot of people, including children, still feel more comfortable discussing physical health than mental health.
You can make your child more comfortable talking about mental wellness by connecting it to physical wellness. The National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) recommends using analogies. NAMI uses asthma as an example. For instance, dust can irritate the lungs. In the same way, stress can cause problems for the brain.
Discuss Mental Health in Existing Conversations
Often, the best way to start a conversation is to let it happen organically. After all, what happens when a parent interrupts their child’s activity with the phrase “We need to talk”?
Sometimes, that kind of conversation is necessary and unavoidable, but it does make children and teens put their guard up. These talks can feel unnatural, and many children will assume that they’ve done something wrong and need to defend themselves. As a result, you may not be able to have an honest conversation.
On the other hand, if you and your child are already talking, you may find plenty of natural ways to bring up mental wellness. People, including children, will mention how they think and feel about the topic of conversation. Pay attention to how your child talks about their own feelings. Once you’ve observed how your child communicates, you can encourage them to explore those thoughts further.
Listen and Validate First
As a parent, you would love to fix all of your child’s problems. When your child brings up a problem, you may want to offer the first solution that comes to mind. You may also want to minimize their problem by offering perspective.
Perspective can be very helpful, but only if your child is in the right place to hear it. Otherwise, when parents offer perspective, it can feel as if they are dismissing their children’s feelings. For example, look at the following sentences.
- “It was only one test. You’ll get a better grade on the next one.”
- “It’s no big deal. It could be worse.”
- “Kids in [location] have it much worse than this. At least you don’t have to worry about what they worry about.”
- “There’s more to life than winning a soccer game.”
To a child’s ears, all of these sentences sound like one thing: “Your problem doesn’t matter, and you’re wrong to be upset about it.” When they hear these phrases often enough, they may stop talking about the things that matter to them.
You can avoid this issue by listening and validating before offering advice or perspective. If you’re not sure where to start, read up on some active listening techniques, and use those techniques in your conversations.
Practice
If you aren’t used to discussing mental health, the above tips may feel difficult at first. You may have to adjust your approach over time, personalizing it to meet your child’s needs. However, the more you practice having these conversations, the easier they will become for both you and your child.
As these conversations become more natural, your child will reap the benefits. Give yourself time, understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, and know that conversations about mental health will help your child find the skills they need to thrive.