Are you a worrier?

Being a mum is the best job in the world but it also makes you take a much closer look at yourself. It makes you question whether you are good enough. Am I doing it right? Am I doing the best for my children? All you want is for your children to be the best that they can be and but in the end you become tangled up in an ocean of worries and doubts and you forget to appreciate what is right in front of you.

Does this sound like you?

It is definitely where I am as a parent. I am a natural worrier, always have been, but since becoming a mum I have stepped it up a whole notch of crazy!

When Little G was born I used to check her all the time to check she was breathing. She would barely move and everything that you hear about cot death had me constantly on edge. We have a video monitor and I would stare at the screen until I could see her move in her sleep.

This worry soon passed but was then taken over by my worries for her health. She had silent reflux and would cry and cry every night for hours on end. I spent so many hours on Google trying to find a solution and in the end I found it was related to lactose intolerance. I cut out dairy from my diet and she was magically ‘cured’ and so another worry was over and done with, for now.

Cue sitting up, crawling, walking and other ways to injure herself. I cannot tell you the number of times my heart was in my mouth as she fell and bumped her head. Why is it always the face?! This worry has not passed as she is the clumsiest child I know!

You can probably sense a theme here, mainly I worry about something happening to her. It stems back to my childhood. My mum explained death to me and I was so distressed at the thought of my mum dying that I cried for days! This irrational fear of death and injury has spread to everyone in my family now. I think about it a lot, the idea of anything happening to my little family makes me sick to my stomach. If Mr F doesn’t text me to let me know he has got to work safely every day I panic that something has happened to him. He despairs with me!!

I have to say I don’t tend to worry about the other mum stuff. I have never been bothered about milestones and whether she is keeping up with the other children of her age. I think being a teacher has made me realise that all children get there in the end and as long as I give her every opportunity to learn she will be fine.
However, that brings me to my next worry: am I a good enough mum?

I have no doubt in my mind that Little G is a lovely little girl and is doing brilliantly. However I worry every day that this is in spite of me rather than because of me. I’m not saying I want all the credit as she is doing a great job all by herself. But I do worry that I could be doing more. I worry that maybe other mums do more with their children to give them better experiences in life.

I try to do as much as I can with her, our house resembles a school- having toys and resources for every area of learning. I trawl through Pinterest to find different activities to do together but sometimes I feel like our days pass by so quickly and what with housework and having a baby to look after I feel we don’t always make the best of our days.

Having Baby L has just made me worry even more. I worry that now I am splitting my time in two and cannot possibly be a good parent to both of them. I feel that if I am giving attention to one then the other one is neglected. It will be easier once they are more similar in age and abilities but I really struggle at the moment.

I feel like I spend most of my time with Little G as she is more aware. But then I find myself worrying that Baby L is missing out on that special time that I was able to give to Little G as a baby. I don’t want her not to have the same experiences, not have as many books read to her or enough raspberries blown on her tummy.

Does all this worrying get me anywhere?

No. Quite simply I am wasting my time. Worrying never got anyone anywhere did it? Instead I need to get on with life and do the best I can. Wrapping my children up in cotton wool will only prevent them from experiencing life and that will then make me the bad mother I fear I am.

So yes I am a worrier but I am learning to let go a little, to try and accept that cuts and bruises happen and as long as I am there with kisses and Savlon then that is all they need. And as for being the best mum in the world, my children think I am the amazing. They love me more than anything, I can see it in their eyes and feel it when they cuddle me. If they were to write me a reference it would say I was the best mum they know and that is good enough for me.

Is it just me? Or are you a worrier too?

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