Inside: How to Prioritise Your Children’s Well-Being During a Divorce. Collaborative post.
Divorce can be a traumatising time for all involved, particularly young children. Often, children don’t understand what divorce means or why it is happening, so their well-being needs to be prioritised. Here’s how…
There’s always a concern about what might happen to your children after a divorce. Who will they live with, and will you have full custody or part custody? Divorce solicitors can help arrange settlement agreements and are influential in deciding where your children live, but they can’t help with everything.
As parents, you must reassure your children throughout the divorce process and continually check in with how they’re feeling. Your children are your responsibility, and their wellbeing should be your main priority.
It might feel like you are tearing your family apart, but children are very observant and understanding and will adapt if you keep them in the loop. In this article, we’ll discuss some tips to help prioritise your children’s well-being. Let’s begin…
What Can I Do to Prioritise My Children During the Divorce Process?
Be Open That You’re Getting a Divorce
Your children need to know what’s going on. Once you have finalised the decision with your spouse, you need to sit your children down and explain that you are getting a divorce.
Younger children might not understand the concept of a divorce and have a lot of questions to ask, so be ready to explain the situation in an easy way. Expect there to be tears; this is obviously going to be tough for them to take in. You might have already had the opportunity to grieve the divorce, but this is the first they’re hearing of it.
Reassure Your Children
Young children are quick to jump to conclusions and blame themselves for their parent’s divorce. As their parent, you need to make them aware that the decision was nothing that they did. Explain to them that people sometimes fall out of love and don’t get along like they used to. They might think that because you no longer love one another that you won’t love them either; again, reassure them that this isn’t the case.
Let Your Children Know the After Divorce Arrangement
Once you’ve explained that the divorce means you’ll no longer be living together anymore, your children might start to worry. They’re likely to question who they’ll live with and if they’ll have to move house. Of course, you might not have the answers to their questions straight away, but when you do, keep them up to date. It might be something they’re stressing about without telling you.
Offer Support to Your Children
If your child comes to you upset about the situation, make sure that you talk to them, figure out what aspects of the divorce are upsetting them, and try to offer support. It might be tough for you to talk about or to see them upset, but problems are better to be spoken about rather than bottled up, particularly for children.
Minimise Change
Divorce can often result in change; children sometimes struggle to cope with alterations in their lives. If you can, try and minimise the change, such as aiming to keep them in their family home. Moving house is a huge transition which could cause unnecessary extra stress for them.
In some instances, it’s not possible to stay in the same house, so if you do have to move house, try to stay in the same area and keep them at the same school. This will help to prevent interruption to their everyday life.
Don’t Use Your Children to Communicate with Your Ex
It is completely unfair to use your children to communicate with your spouse. They are not a telephone and do not need to be involved with your disputes. It will only leave them feeling uncomfortable and upset with the situation.
Let Them See the Other Parent
If you and your spouse have already split and are living separately, then make sure that your children see both of you still. It would be unkind to keep them away from one parent. It’s not healthy for your children to have a strained relationship and might cause long-lasting issues in the future.
Arrange a day or multiple days a week where they spend individual time with their other parent, whether this might be staying the night or just a day out with them.
Seek Help for Your Children If They Need It
If your child is really struggling and you can’t help them, it might be worth seeking professional help. It might be that they need to talk to someone outside of the situation, such as a counsellor, therapist, or family friend.
Get Yourself Help
As well as your children needing support, it might be worth pursuing professional support for yourself. This will help to put your children first by not relying on them to be your shoulder to cry on. There need to be healthy boundaries. They are your children, not your therapist, and seeing you unhappy will only make the situation worse for them.
Your Children’s Well-Being Needs to Be Your Top Priority
Studies show that divorce affects children most significantly in the first and second years after the divorce. It might be easy to think that you have it worse, but you must prioritise your children’s needs over your own. Divorce can affect several aspects of their lives, such as school and their behaviour, so be aware of the struggles they may face for a long time after.
In this article, we’ve looked at some of the main things you should consider during a divorce to help your children through the process. Let us know if we’ve missed any top tips by sharing your experience in the comments below!