Reflecting Back On My Pregnancy

Now that I am coming to the end of my pregnancy, I have been reflecting on the last few months. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t found it easy at all and at times it has been beyond stressful. You see, as much as you would think that the third time around I’d be a pro, it just doesn’t work that way at all. In fact this is my fourth pregnancy and so I have pretty much been on edge since the beginning and don’t think I will stop worrying until he is safely in my arms.

When I was pregnant with Little G I sailed through the whole pregnancy in a blissfully ignorant bubble. I would have thought I’d have been alone in that, why would you have any reason to worry? According to research by the IONA test into women’s experiences of the first trimester, over a third of women pregnant with their first child say they worry multiple times a day. I was lucky, I know that now. My second experience of pregnancy was not so great, with it all ending in a miscarriage at just over 7 weeks. My pregnancy bubble had well and truly popped and I felt so silly for being so blasé about it all the first time around.

When I finally fell pregnant again it was all so very different, not a happy time at all. The first 12 weeks are the hardest aren’t they? The IONA test research found that 1 in 5 British mums often feel extremely worried every single day in those 84 days. I’m surprised it isn’t more really as I found it so stressful. From the moment I took the test I couldn’t relax, panicking every second that I would go to the loo and see blood. Of course I was ecstatic, it was a second chance at a sibling for Little G, but what if it went wrong again? What if my body failed me once again?

This pregnancy has been much the same, that worry never leaves you. I know you can’t change things, that the worrying doesn’t achieve anything, but you can’t help it can you? All you want to hear is that your baby is healthy, that everything is progressing as it should. But of course you have to wait for the 12 week scan and that seems like a lifetime away. Every little twinge makes you wonder if there’s something wrong. I can clearly remember feeling a pain in my shoulder at around 9 weeks and panicking that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy. I must have searched through every forum possible to see if my symptoms matched those of others. That is what the worrying does to you – it drives you nuts!

Sharing your worries helps, I have joined various pregnancy forums throughout each of my pregnancies and just having others to talk to, those who know what you are going through, really makes a difference. It seems I am not alone in seeking comfort and advice online as a third of pregnant women surveyed by the IONA test say they check these sites daily. It doesn’t get rid of concerns completely but it does ease them – and certainly stops you trawling the internet for answers!

The thing that I struggled with most this time around was the constant nausea. Thankfully I was never sick but actually feeling as though you are about to be sick at any given moment is just as bad I think – especially with two little girls to look after. The IONA test study found that a third of women find morning sickness to be completely debilitating and so I am thankful that I only suffered with nausea. I know friends who have had to be signed off work from as early as 8 weeks as they have suffered so badly with it!

However, when you finally see your baby at the scan, the relief is completely overwhelming. I cried, a lot. To see a tiny baby jumping around, to hear that heartbeat – there are just no words to describe it. All those worries, the sleepless nights, the constant nausea, all washed away. Of course there are more weeks ahead of you at this point and no pregnancy can be taken for granted, but your baby is there waving at you and those fears are banished away.

So here I am now, a few short weeks before giving birth to a little boy, a brother for my daughters. Looking back I know I needn’t have worried so much in those early weeks, but it doesn’t stop you at the time. And if I was ever to have another then I know I would worry once again. I cannot say I have enjoyed my pregnancy, I just want to hold him in my arms, to know that he is safe. I often joke that I wish we had evolved windows in our tummies, so we could see inside and check on the baby daily – wouldn’t that just solve so many things?

This is a collaborative post.