Over the last few days I have slowly become more and more down in the dumps. To be honest I don’t even know why, nothing has happened to make me feel that way and yet I feel myself feeling more and more unhappy. I get this way every now and then and it takes a huge amount of effort to pull myself back into my normal happy self. But when I get like it, nothing will do. I look at my life and feel as though I don’t have enough, the house is too small, we don’t have enough money and we can’t afford nice things.
It is my own doing, I gave up my job to stay at home with the girls and with that came sacrifices. I knew that and still do, and yet I get times when it all gets a little too much. I see my Instagram feed full of lovely things and it crushes me. I read other blog posts, with tales of this, that and the other and it makes me feel inferior. My blog itself causes me more stress as I constantly feel second best, second rate, just not good enough.
I have days like these and then I have days like today when I wake up to myself, kick myself up the bum and get on with it. Because actually I am pretty lucky, I have a lovely husband who buys me flowers to cheer me up. I have a daughter who makes me so proud and another who’s smile lifts me every time. As I write this LJ is snoring away next to me, full of cold due to more teeth, her little grunts are a sign of contentment, she is happy- I am everything she needs.
Our house isn’t perfect, far from it, but it is our house. We are making it our own bit by bit and after a long day it is where we hang our hats, the place where we are safe together as a little family. We don’t have lots of money but we have each other and I really need to remember that more. Spending my life wanting more will mean I waste my life missing out on everything I do have. I need to stop.
Sometimes it all gets a little too much, but then I stop and take a longer look and it is ok again. I will have my down days, sleep deprivation and a blogging list as long as your arm will do that to you, but in the end I always see the good. When I was little I didn’t lust after big houses or fast cars, all I ever wanted was to be a mummy- I have that and more, so I need to sit back and enjoy it all. They love me and that is all that really matters.
Right, I should probably go get on with the housework while this one is still asleep.