Do you walk past baby shops and feel that longing feeling? Do you shed a little tear every time your child grows out of that favourite outfit or reaches another milestone? Yep, me too. Except I have two kids already, I’ve been there, done that and had the sick all over my t-shirt.
I get those feelings but my head wins over my heart every single time and so I put those thoughts away, tuck them inside a box somewhere in my mind.
In truth I am a little frightened of a third. Both of mine were difficult babies, having various allergies between them. They didn’t sleep for 3 months- I kid you not, no naps no nothing! It was crying day in day out and I had a lot of dark days.
It isn’t just that though, there are a whole list of reasons that my head manages to convince my heart of every single time I get that broody feeling.
10 Things To Consider When Thinking About Having Another Baby
1. Precious Sleep
Sleep is amazing isn’t it? Do you remember that luxury? No, me neither! The idea that I will have another baby who hates sleep fills me with dread. But then they do say sleep is for the weak don’t they? And I don’t know about you but I secretly love having a baby lying in bed with me.
2. Me Time
Haha do you even get that now? I know I don’t! Now that the girls are a little bit more self sufficient I get some time in the morning to brush my hair and look a bit more presentable but having another baby will mean I will end up looking like a scarecrow again. But then it doesn’t last forever does it?
3. The kids
You have two already, they play nicely together and have a great bond forming. You have one for each hand as you walk along and you have a great routine. Will they cope with a new baby? I worried about the same thing when going from one to two and it all turned out fine. They say two to three is easier though don’t they?
4. Morning Sickness
Whether you are going from one child to two or two to three, morning sickness sucks big time. I spent the whole 9 months pregnant with LJ lying on the sofa like a beached whale. This is a real worry for me as now I would be neglecting 2 kids! But then they have each other to keep themselves occupied now, not just one sitting there on their own!
5. Labour
I don’t even think this one needs explaining really does it? I honestly don’t know how people ‘forget’ about the pain, it is still etched in my mind. My second labour was a lot quicker than the first but actually that worries me as well! I may end up giving birth in the supermarket…. I could hang about in Mothercare though…. do they still give you a prize?
6. Space
Where on earth will you put the baby? Not to mention the space that swings, playmats and other baby paraphernalia take up! Nappy cake anyone? We feel a bit squished as it is, another person in the house could mean we have to move. Not sure I can cope with another house move just yet!
7. The double buggy
Urgh they are just so cumbersome aren’t they? I had one with my two and almost broke my back walking up the hill to our house. I don’t have a car in the week and walk 4 miles a day with the school run, a double buggy may just kill me this time.
8. The Family Car
Car seats are just so bulky! Our car is quite narrow and doesn’t fit a person in the middle let alone another seat. We would have to buy a bigger car, one of those delightful 7 seaters, oh good!
9. Family Holidays
Everything is made for families of 4 isn’t it? We have always wanted to go to Disney when the girls are older but paying for a family of 5 would mean having to start saving now!!
10. Money
Two kids are manageable, just. Add in a third and that is 3 lots of birthdays, 3 lots of gifts to buy at Christmas. Looking ahead you will have 3 lots of school trips, 3 lots of university fees and if you should have 3 girls you will be forking out for 3 weddings! That is a whole lot of money right there! We are a one wage family and I just don’t know how we would cope.
No matter how much I remind myself that having another baby would be a huge change, one that we cannot afford and will mean I look like a total wreck most of the time, I still cannot shake that feeling that if I don’t have another I would end up regretting it. Other families cope, they find the space and they are happy. So what is their secret? My head may tell my heart there are 10 reasons not to have a third baby but my heart has one very valid reason I should…
Love.
Love makes it all ok doesn’t it?
UPDATE: My heart won and we are due baby number 3 at the end of August 2016. All of the above reasons didn’t put me off and I cannot wait!!!
Emily
Tuesday 1st of August 2023
I just read your article after reading lots of pro three baby ones. The first few points were persuasive but ended with a question mark - I had to scroll up to check the title! 😂 but the end made me cry, congratulations! Seen your reply about 1-2 and 2-3, which was heartening, I found 1-2 very difficult. How have you found finding the space? I also worry about having enough time for their emotional and educational needs as they grow. I would hate for them to feel as though I didn’t have enough time for them.
Katy
Tuesday 29th of August 2023
Hi Emily! Yep - William was the addition we never knew we needed <3. I won't lie, it isn't often that I get to spend complete 1:1 time with them but I think the trick is to make sure each child feels seen. So I go in and say goodnight to each of them individually, I greet them every morning individually, I ask about their days, I will hold hands with them kind of on rotation (making a mental note!), each one gets chance to suggest meal ideas or days out. I don't know, I guess I just make sure each child feels completely valued and that way they are happy. Space has been hard but we were in a small 3 bedroom house and the girls shared a room. It was fine, but I knew that as they became teenagers and had their own interests they would want their own rooms. We managed to move to a cheaper area and now each child has their own room. But, plenty of families have kids that share and I know that if we hadn't managed to move they would have continued fine as they were. Anyway, all that to say that I have never once regretted my choice to have a third, and now I genuinely feel done. x
Maggi
Friday 9th of June 2023
Hey Katy, i was searching why not to have third baby and found your post. This is old post. I already have 2 girls 9 and 5 years old. I am longing for 3 rd baby now. But gap between my children is more and i am already 38 years old. My 2 children have bonded well and everything is in sync nos. I am worrying if i have a 3 rd will everything go out of order? I am not able to decide should i try or not. Also i am afraid will i regret my decision in future for not having a 3rd. Also in tiny corner of my heart, i am missing not having a boy. How was your transition from 2 to 3 ? What should i consider before considering 3rd baby or not ?
Katy
Tuesday 29th of August 2023
Hi Maggi - sorry for the late reply! Did you decide yet? Honestly I have never regretted it, but of course everyones situation is different. The things we considered were: did we have enough space (not really but the girls just had to share a bedroom to make room), could we afford a bigger car (just about), could we afford higher food bills, clothing bills etc.. (we budget really well and use Vinted etc to save money). I guess the toss up was between my heart wanting a baby and my head telling me it would mean more money going out. But people make do, and so we went with our hearts. Grace was 5 and Lily was 3 when William was born. Now, they are 12, 10 and 7 and are all close. There is an 8 year age gap between myself and my sister and that always meant we weren't ever in a similar stage in life growing up - but I absolutely adore her. I think the questions you need to ask yourself are: what if it is another girl? Would it really matter? Can you make the space? Can you afford it? x
Rachel
Tuesday 21st of February 2023
I just googled ‘reasons not to have a third child’ and your article came up. I’m heavily pregnant with my second currently, and always thought I would be done at this point, especially seeing as I had morning sickness for 21 weeks this time around, and I make big babies, so I’m currently extremely uncomfortable and lacking in sleep. But I just can’t shake the thought! I think two is perfect, it will work so well (car, house, money, hotel rooms etc), but who wants perfection? Surely, like you said, LOVE is what really counts, and my little boy makes me soooo unbelievably happy every day. Why wouldn’t I want even more of that feeling? (But that really would be my last, as even if all went to plan I’d be 43 by then, eek!).
Katy
Thursday 23rd of February 2023
When people would ask me if I was done at 2 I would say yes, but deep down I knew that the answer was "yes - unless we won the lottery and then I'd have more". And that's the little niggling thought that continued to grow and grow. William is 6 years old now and there has never once been a day when I've regretted having a third. But I can say hand on heart now that if I was ever to be asked "Are you done at 3" that I really am. There is no niggling feeling anymore and if we won the lottery I'd still feel the same. Do you know what I mean? They say you know when you're done, and it's so true. I hope the rest of of your pregnancy goes well xxx
Jen
Tuesday 8th of February 2022
How was the transition to 3?! I know this is a very old post now but curious to know how it went/ how it’s going 💗
Katy
Wednesday 9th of February 2022
Hi Jen, Do you know what? It was WAY easier than going from 1 to 2. I think when you go from 1 to 2 you worry that you are neglecting one while spending time with the other - it is always a balancing act. However, when going from 2 to 3, you always know that the older 2 can entertain themselves while you look after the baby. Plus, having done it twice before already you just seem to feel more relaxed about everything. My little boy was by far the most chilled - he had to be!