Will I Have Another Baby?

Today I volunteered at a local NCT Bump & Baby Fair, picture a wedding fair but with lots of companies showcasing their baby related products. I was on the door taking their money and giving out goodie bags. Every single person entering the building was either pregnant or pushing a newborn in a pram.

People often ask me if I will be having any more children, I think it is because Little G was 18 months that I fell pregnant with Little L. I always give them the same answer though, a definite ‘no!’.

Mr F and I have discussed whether we will have any more children and although we always pictured ourselves having 3 kids we just don’t have that vision any more. There are many factors that have gone into this decision, meaning that it is just not something we think feasible now.

MONEY This is one of the biggest factors in our decision making process. If we were to have another baby I would have to be off work again and we are only just getting back on our feet with me doing supply teaching. Like it or not you need money to live and a baby would mean less money in our pot.

GIRLS Our girls mean the world to us and they are happy just as they are. Another baby would change the dynamic and that worries me. I am also aware that I was a rubbish mother during my pregnancy and I wouldn’t want to ignore 2 children if I were pregnant again.

SPACE We live in a small 3 bedroom house and as it is Little L’s room is a box. If we were to have another baby the girls would have to share and the baby would be in the box. Everyone would be so cramped. We can’t afford to move so we would be stuck, living on top of each other.

AGE I know I am not old but I feel old. My body is achy and tired and I don’t want to go through the stress of pregnancy again. I still don’t get a full night sleep and so the idea of guaranteed sleepless nights just fills me with dread.

Today after volunteering at the fair we went to the park. On the way home we walked past a family sitting in their garden having their lunch. A mum was rocking her crying baby and it suddenly hit me. It hit me like a tonne of bricks- I am not ready to say no.

I am not saying that I want another baby but I am saying that I am not ready to rule it out completely. I heard that baby crying and it made me sad that I may never have a baby to soothe, that I may never go through a pregnancy again, that I may not hold a tiny newborn of my very own. Something inside me isn’t quite ready to turn my back on the idea, so watch this space!

How many children do you have? Are you done?