I am not entirely sure where the last 2 weeks have gone! I have a two week old baby and life is a little bit surreal right now. Yesterday I was sat on the sofa feeding him while the girls were playing some made up game in the hall and it dawned on me… I have three children. Three!! Total madness really as I just don’t feel like I am a grown up, let alone in charge of three tiny people! Do you ever feel like that?
Today Mr F went back to work after 2 weeks paternity leave. It hasn’t felt long enough at all but I think that is because I have just really enjoyed having him around. We met almost 15 years ago now when we were at uni and used to spend all of our days together in lectures and in our halls of residence. So, weeks like these when we get to spend all day every day together are a lovely reminder that we still get on and are still the best of friends.
This paternity leave has been so different to the other times. When I had the girls I was panic stricken with the thought that I was going to be left all alone- completely in charge of a tiny baby. In fact, when I had Little G my mum came to stay for the third week to help ease me into motherhood!
This time though, from day 2 or 3 I made the conscious decision to stand on my own two feet. Having Mr F home has just been a bonus, things that would otherwise get neglected (washing pile anyone??) have been done but I haven’t relied on him for school runs or night feed support. I wanted to be able to get back into a routine quickly so that when today finally happened I would be ok. And I was ok.
Yesterday we did a dress rehearsal of the school run, one where he didn’t come at all. We survived! I had set my alarm for 6.45 and although I managed to turn it off in my sleep, nobody was late and baby was fed in a fairly relaxed state. I did come home and wonder what was going to go wrong but it really was ok.
So what is different?
My whole mental state is different this time. I think with this being my third baby I just know that everything will be ok. I used to panic about feeds, about public bursts of crying and sticking to a routine. Now I am just going with the flow and know that as long as I get G to school for 9am then the rest of the day doesn’t matter. Well, as long as we remember to pick her up at 3pm again!!
Actually the thing I am finding most difficult is the fact we are having to get out of the house so early but I would have struggled with or without a newborn. She was in nursery for afternoons last year, which meant we could have lazy starts to the day each day. Those days are long gone now and instead it is up and dressed at the crack of dawn! Not a fan of that I can tell you!
So today I’ve been on my own, completely in charge of three small people, and it has gone really well. I got G to school on time, managed 2 loads of washing, hoovered upstairs and a bit random but I made a cake! If you head over to my FB page you’ll see my live broadcast showing how I made it with a can of Sprite!! So all in all it was a success – not sure I will be able to say that every day mind you!
We had a visit from my father in law and brother in law and they kept LJ happy for an hour or so. Actually that is the thing I am most worried – balancing a baby and a toddler each day. I am very anxious about LJ being a ‘middle child’ so want to give her the attention she needs, wants and deserves. But, it is really difficult when you have a very hungry newborn to contend with! Not that he has been too bad the last couple of weeks, his feeds are pretty regular so hopefully he will stay on track and I’ll be able to dedicate a good chunk of the day to his sister.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me. Hopefully tomorrow will go just as well- fingers crossed!