I’ve been there, I know exactly how you are feeling. Actually I am still there sometimes, I’m not sure the loneliness ever leaves you when you become a mother does it?
Weird really, seeing as the moment you become a mother you are never alone ever again. They are there from the moment they wake up to the moment they creep into your bed at night. Except sometimes it feels as though you are alone, you feel trapped in your mummy bubble with no escape for air.
There are days when you feel as though all you have done is change nappies or clear up sick. Days when you don’t speak to another adult the whole day and feel as though you are going mad. Days when it all gets too much and you sob at the top of the stairs. Nobody tells you about that part of the job. But what I want to tell you, is that it really does get better.
When I became a mother for the first time I don’t think I truly knew what had hit me. Gone were my work friends, my normal every days, replaced by a teeny tiny human being that needed me oh so much but gave nothing back in return. I didn’t know anyone in my little town and as we planned to move I didn’t see the sense in trying to make friends. I was shell shocked and all alone.
After 4 months of pretty much going insane, I summoned up the courage to go to a baby group. I met a lovely mum at a baby massage group and for the time in a long time I felt as though there was hope.
Then we moved.
I tell you what is worse than being a new mum with a newborn at a baby group. It is being a new mum with a 1 year old. Nobody cares. They all have their mum groups and they don’t have room for you. I sobbed and sobbed and felt as though I would never meet a single soul. Do you know what I wish? I wish I’d started this blog sooner, right then when I was so alone. The online community is absolutely amazing and I know I would have found so many amazing people. Instead I locked myself away, too scared to try baby groups again.
Now the thing you should know about me is that I am not a quitter by nature. After 4 months of being a total recluse I decided that sitting at home was never going to get me anywhere.
The world does not come to you. You need to go out and find the world.
So, I did something a bit crazy and set up a local mums group. I figured people would have to talk to me if I was the one in charge! I was terrified that nobody would turn up but you know what? 15 mums turned up that first day! Turns out I wasn’t the only lonely mum in my town.
Through being a little bit brave, putting myself out there, I met two of my very best friends Lucy and Sian (before I knew they were bloggers). I speak to them every single day and they make me feel less alone and a more confident mama. I know that if I am having a bad day I can tell them and they will be my shoulder to lean on, they’ll let me know that I am not the only one going through it all and that makes it all ok.
If you are sitting at home, feeling isolated and lonely then do something out of your comfort zone. Try a local meet-up group, venture to baby groups if they are your thing and be confident that you are worth knowing. Someone somewhere will be looking for a friend too and will probably be feeling just as lonely as you.
5 years ago I became a mum and I spent so long wondering when I would ever make friends. I look back and I wish I could tell myself that it was all going to work out ok, because it did. And it will work out for you too I promise.
I’ve been chatting about it on my YouTube channel too if you fancy a watch…