I’ve been here before, LJ was 8 days late according to the date given by the scan and I felt like I was going to go insane having to wait that long. I’d also had 3 sweeps with her and none of them worked, it felt as though she would never arrive. That is how I am feeling now.
You may have been following me on social media and seen that I have been going through prodromal labour. In a nutshell it is real labour but doesn’t result in a baby. Great huh? All the pain and no gain. That isn’t strictly true as it actually helps to do a lot of the leg work so that on the big day the labour is much shorter. That is all very well and good but quite honestly I would much rather just have it all happen in one day. 3 weeks of this nonsense has truly sent me insane and I am left feeling let down every single day.
I know he won’t be in there forever, he will come out by hook or by crook but every pain makes me think he is on his way, yet they just to fizzzle to nothing and leave me empty handed for another day. I have people asking if baby has arrived yet and each time I have to say no it just makes me feel stupid. We’ve had false alarms galore and people must be beginning to think I am making it up. I promise I’m not, these pains have been real for 3 weeks, kept me awake with regular contractions for hours on end.
Yesterday Mr F joked that I must be getting some sleep as I had been snoring. Well you can imagine the look I gave him right there! I mean of course I have had some sleep, but it is broken and uncomfortable. So what with the endless contractions, loo trips every five minutes and the constant manoeuvring of my bump when I have to turn over, I am exhausted.
Do you ever build up an idea in your head? Our family has a tendency to share birthdays and today is my brother-in-law’s birthday. With contractions ramping up a notch yesterday I was absolutely convinced that today would be the day. Ridiculous I know but you become a little crazy by the end don’t you? I just had it in my head that I would wake up this morning and it would be happening, that the contractions would be so painful that I would be ringing my midwife to tell her to come immediately.
That’s not to say that he won’t come today but it isn’t looking likely is it?
Do you know my biggest fear? That he will come on Monday and I won’t be able to take G to school on her very first day. We are supposed to be taking them just after lunch and staying with them until home time. I desperately want to be there and I’ve told Mr F that even if I give birth that morning I will be taking her. She is my first born, my baby girl, I cannot let her down on one of her biggest days. So he has until Sunday really, I want him here while she is still home, so she can adjust before she starts school.
So today I mostly feel like crying, this pregnancy hasn’t been easy and I feel as though I’ve been a terrible mother throughout. I know there aren’t many days left and he really will be here soon, it will all be worth it and I won’t remember these days of waiting, but that doesn’t help me right now. I’m tired, I’m achey and I am just fed up with it all.